The right words can change a survivor’s life and silence can harm, so address the horror that was done to Jacob’s daughter, with compassion and without euphemism
Silence is powerful. At times it can be a force for good, patience and learning, and at other times a sign of weakness and cowardice. But irrespective of the spectrum of meaning, we know that silence is impactful.
This week’s Torah portion, read in synagogues across the world, includes the very real, very significant rape of Dina, Jacob’s daughter. It is a pivotal and incredibly horrific moment. A moment where the text is clear that Dina has no voice, no choice, and no ability to seek her own justice. It is a moment where her family members make choices for her and her future without pausing to put her first. Her brothers take matters into their own hands, exact revenge and leave a disaster in their wake.
And she is there, and not. She is seen, and not. She is missing. She is missing from her own life, her journey and what was done to her.
Yet, year after year, communal leaders have struggled with this story: whether to speak about it and how to speak about it. As someone that spent years working to seek justice on behalf of sexual assault and rape survivors, I would like to offer some guidance:
Talk about it. Talk about it from the pulpit. Talk about it in your sermon. Talk about it at your shabbat table. Acknowledge you may not have all of the right words, but give her the time that Dina should have.
Do not let silence take over. This weekend is a moment to use your voice to give Dina her voice back. So, if you are speaking from the pulpit, say it like it is, call it a rape. Not a “bad interaction.” Be unequivocal about the horrific nature of what was DONE TO HER. Not “what happened” or “what occurred” but what was done. And be emphatic that we learn from her family what NOT to do. Speak in a way that gives voice to those sitting in your congregation who are silent or vocal survivors of rape. Speak as though you can change a survivor’s life. Because the right words can, and silence can do lasting damage.
And for those who will sit around the table with their families this shabbat discussing the weekly portion. I implore you to discuss this part of the portion as a family. Don’t ignore it and don’t “make it seem better than it is.” Here’s how you can approach this sensitive topic at your Shabbat table: 1) Acknowledge that what was done to Dina (not just what “happened”) was wrong. 2) Explain in simple terms that rape or sexual assault can be when someone touches another person’s genitals (or when someone forces another to do something with genitals), without their permission or consent. 3) Reinforce: Dina did NOT cause this to happen. And talk about who caused harm. When someone rapes another person, it is the assaulter’s fault, AND ONLY THEIR FAULT. 4) Discuss: The silence of her father at the end of the story, and why that silence was wrong.
Spending time around communal spaces discussing the damaging silence in this story, may give one survivor hope of our ability to prioritize their needs and their stories. If we do this, we may finally shut the silence around the story of what was done to Dina and how we are meant to do better.
BY: Writer Rahel Bayar, Esq. is the founder of The Bayar Group, a consultancy focused on abuse and harassment prevention.
Disclaimer: Views expressed by writers in this section are their own and do not necessarily reflect The Times Union‘ point of view
